I Want to Heal

I want to heal.

I don’t want to educate myself on the narcissist I don’t want to know anything else about these people who are vortexes of darkness to those who love them. I don’t want to know what he is doing, I don’t want to know what he said. I don’t want to know what she is doing or allow her messages on my bathroom mirror torment me. I don’t care when they started dating nor when their sham of a marriage will end.

I want to smile at the memories not cringe because it was all a lie.

I want to find acceptance of reality and shed the bitterness of mutilated and murdered dreams.

I want to be free if his insanity and how his grime can smudge my smile from miles or just blocks away.

I want to move forward and not look back anymore. I want to feel joy again and find peace despite the chaos. I want to let go of the anger and fear and replace then with peace and security.

But…

I don’t know how…yet.

---